My Thoughts -- Episode Four

For your interest, here's Miss Alli's recaplet on this episode.

Another great episode! But I'm not sure what I liked more: the episode, the previews for next week, or the fact that my mom has a Garden Gnome pushing a wheelbarrow in which she put the IKEA counting animals that she won for last season's pool and put it on top of the TV. That was awesome!

Since my notes are a little all over the place today, I think I'll do it by each team instead of more linear. Hope you don't mind:

Lynn and Alex

• Okay, Lynn? When you yelled, "Survive THAT!" I officially moved you into the coveted berth of my favorite racer of the season. I want a hoodie with that slogan on it.
• Too bad about your boat, boys. Now you join the club of Jon Vito and Jill and Tian and Jeree about having to request a new vehicle. But I really had to wonder if those boats were even supposed to hold four people, you know? They were the size of under airplane seat floatation devices.
• "Rob and Amber are an STD". Yep, they are. It's called Gonebeforeyougotheeah.

Ray and Deana

• Ray, I don't know if you're actually a Race fan or not, but if you are, mad props for the "Your horse isn't broken", and we all know why.
• But dude, you don't get to use the line "I don't like being stuck with the bottom feeders," because you are obviously one yourself after coming in 7, 3, 6, and 6 in four episodes.
• Deana, don't get mad at the horse. Get mad at the horse's ass you brought along on the race. Thanks.
• Ray, I'd cool it on the "want to get ahead of the oldsters" talk because, even though you are dating someone seventeen years younger than you are, if Meredith and Gretchen get eliminated you will be the oldest person on the race. In fact, I think you just need to drink a six pack of Shut the F%&* Up and get your pending AARP membership revoked.

Susan and Patrick

• Well, you lasted two legs longer than I thought you would and, even though I really wanted to like you guys, Patrick is a little bit too whiny and Susan's got a strange growth on the end of her nose. But for some reason I did find your quote "We're racing to be last" oddly endearing.
• Patrick, I know at least two readers of this blog who wholeheartedly agree with you that running over a clown is, in any instance, justifiable homicide.
• I felt your pain when you thought you were on the first train before the other two teams. Oh, the irony of impending doom.

Gretchen and Meredith

• Gretchen, with your "here's the menage a trois" comment, that now brings your total of unnecessary wacky innuendos up to two. Please go sit in the corner with Ron until further notice. Thank you.
• And, um, Gretchen? Just because there's a red star on the map marking the island where the clue box is, that doesn't mean the island is going to have a star on it. You should have paid more attention in Physical Geography.
• Meredith, before you completed the roadblock, I really, really wanted you to yell out, "My Preciousssssssss!" as you got the ring. Please be funnier next week.
• Gretchen, even though it's really sweet of you to think that the children were trying to perform for money for college, it's probably not the case. Check out this movie to see what the kids were probably doing.

Ron and Kelly

• "In the military you trust people but here you can't trust anyone and that's why it's not like the military." Thanks. That brings your military talk up to five. Please go join Gretchen in the corner. Bye bye.

Uchenna and Joyce

• Hey, Joyce: if you have already been thrown off your horse twice and know that it is skittish, I think it would have been in your best interest to not squeal in delight until you were OFF the horse. Just a thought.
• Now, I'm a little worried that you two may be incurring a time penalty next week because you set off to do the Shipwreck, and randomly found the island. I'm not sure, and I hope not, but it might happen.

Brian and Greg

• You know, as soon one of these dudes said, "Darn it!" and looked at their wardrobe choices, I realized who they are trying to be.

Rob and Amber

• Well, I gotta hand it to you guys. The only sneaky thing you did all episode was run a really great race. That's something a lot of the other teams never think about doing.
• I can't believe they made the flight. But, according to Rob, it makes sense since he was born with a lucky horseshoe--up his ass!
• That was a little harsh with the, "How's your stomach, Ron?" But since Ron is sitting in the corner with Gretchen, I can forgive you.
• I can't believe you gave away your hat. The Sox hat that has been your trademark since Survivor: Marquesas. Maybe the one you put on is just really faded, but I don't think it had a B on it. I wish you the best without your lucky charm. But since the horseshoe is up your ass I think it'll be okay.

And two more general comments:

• That dude they got the clue from in the park? I'm surprised he was still there and hadn't already been arrested for dealing drugs or loitering or flashing people. He was creepy.
• NEXT WEEK: TWO HOUR RACE! That made my night. Gretchen with a head wound? The brothers go toppling? Oh, dude. GAME ON.

That's all for today!